I NOT TO RETURN
Huge painted doors were opened also disobedient legs have carried out me inside of a temple. And here I have seen Him On a cross His Sufferings His Sufferings have been intolerable Sufferings of Him have been intolerable! You hear?! Are intolerable!!!
Why?.. Why you have killed Him?.. Hear, you?! Why you have killed Him?! Why you every day kill Him?! Hear, you!!! Why?! You! Every day! You kill! Every day you every day why?..
- I not to return - so spoke once Jesus I not to return - Jesus quietly spoke. I smiled to him: Yes all right to you, Jesus, you will think! You will bear a cross, you will hang up on it day - another and all!
- Yes - yes, yes - yes - Jesus spoke me, - I completely with you agree but, understand, what piece I not to return!
- Yes all right to you, Jesus! Whence long also pessimism so much? Above a head! You will ascend to Golgotha, will revive, and everyone will worship you! It in fact so is healthy!
-Yes - yes, yes - yes, maybe, you and the rights, but it somehow not so please me you do not know, how it is hurt!.. And whether you understand, in what here true? True that I I not to return! You understand? Not to return!
the Iron fist of the legionary has fallen down me from legs. - Sirs, sirs! - is humiliated I whined and all sufficed for clothes, - this mistake! I not for whom you accept me! I not Jesus! Hear, sirs? I not Jesus! You understand, please, sirs!.. Jesus! Tell him! Jesus! Where you? Jesus! Where you?!!
To be silent! Cattle! - the legionary an iron boot has struck me in a stomach my Reason has grown dull, in eyes have floated multi-coloured circles Consciousness has returned only when forged iron nails one by one began to be stuck and enter in my shivering fear and a pain a body!.. My God! Jesus!!! Tell him!!! Jesus! Tell, that I not Jesus!!! Jesus!!! Where you?!! My God, really you do not see, how it is hurt me?! My God!!! As it is hurt me My God!!! If you only knew, how it is hurt me!.. As it is hurt!.. My God!!! I do not want!!! Jesus!!! Rescue me!!! My God!!! As it is hurt me if you only knew My God!!! if you only knew
Huge painted doors were opened also disobedient legs have carried out me inside of a temple And here I have seen Him As in dream On a cross On a cross
His sufferings His Sufferings have been intolerable Sufferings of Him have been intolerable! You hear?! Are intolerable!!! Why?! Why you have killed Him?.. Hear, you?! Why you have killed it(Him)?!.. Why every day kill Him?! Why?! You! Every day! Kill! You! Every day! You kill! Every day you every day why?..
I have fallen to knees and have closed hands the person My God My God, I beg you I I conjure you return! you hear?!.. Return, Jesus!.. I beg you! I conjure you!!! My God as it is hurt as to me a bit too now without you if you knew if you only knew, daddies
9 April 2001 (it is devoted to the father)